Author’s Note: Accountability.

It’s a word that keeps showing up in my life lately—professionally, personally, and most recently, in a conversation with my young son. We’ve been talking about what it means to own our actions, especially when mistakes happen. I won’t go into detail here (because it’s his story), but the experience made me think deeply about how we teach accountability—and how we live it.

As I talked with some dear friend-colleagues (frolleagues? Let’s go with it) about the situation, one of them asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks:

“Doesn’t he trust you to tell you the truth?”

It was such a simple question, but it landed with weight. Because while I hope I’ve created a trusting relationship, I hadn’t paused to ask what it feels like for him. So, I asked. And his answer was honest: sometimes, it’s hard to tell me the truth because he’s afraid of how I might react.

Oof. That one hit hard.

But it also cracked open something really important: the undeniable link between trust and accountability. I realized I can’t expect him—or anyone—to step fully into accountability if trust doesn’t feel secure. That conversation made me want to dig deeper into how we build trust that makes accountability not only possible, but natural.

In a world where accountability often feels like it’s in short supply, maybe what we really need is to work harder at cultivating trust—at home, at work, in our communities. My hope is that this month’s “Talking Points” invites some reflection on how we can all help build a more accountable world… by starting with trust.

Something to Read

If we want more accountability in our lives—at work, at home, in our communities—perhaps we need to start by building more trust.

This article explores exactly that: how trust isn’t just a social virtue, but a biological function that has measurable impacts on performance, collaboration, and communication. While this was published over 8 years ago, the neuroscience research holds true today – and the human nature that is described is one that still resonates today.

Zak shares research that shows how leaders can actively build high-trust cultures, and how those environments lead to stronger relationships and greater accountability. I love how he shares tangible ideas for how we can build trust – making it less of this obscure construct and more about actions. I felt so much resonance from what Dr. Edmondson discussed on the podcast (Something to Hear) and this article. One idea that stuck with me: when people are trusted, they’re more likely to take ownership—not because they’re told to, but because they feel safe and respected enough to do so.

You can read the full article, The Neuroscience of Trust on HBR.org by clicking here.

Something to Hear

After I started thinking about accountability with my son, I immediately went to my podcast app and searched for accountability.

One of my favorite podcasts – Your Brain at Work – had an episode that I listened to right then and there. This conversation lingered with me long after I listened—maybe because it speaks to the tension so many of us feel when trying to lead, parent, or collaborate with heart and intention.

Dr. Amy Edmondson gently unpacks the common assumption that accountability and psychological safety are in conflict. In truth, she says, they are two sides of the same coin. Without trust, accountability can feel punitive. But when trust is present, accountability becomes a shared act of growth. If you’ve ever wrestled with how to set clear expectations and make space for vulnerability, this episode offers both insight and encouragement.

Accountability vs. Psychological Safety: A conversation with Dr. Amy Edmondson – Your Brain at Work(Season 10, Episode 9). Find it on the Your Brain at Work website or wherever you get your podcasts.

Something to Do

Map the Trust-Accountability Loop

Think of one relationship in your life—personal or professional—where accountability could be stronger. Now ask yourself: Is there enough trust here to support it?

This month, take 10–15 minutes to reflect and sketch out what we’re calling a Trust-Accountability Loop:

  • What actions build trust in this relationship?
  • What expectations create clarity and accountability?
  • Where might the loop be broken—or missing?

Even a rough diagram can help surface patterns and point toward small changes: a clearer conversation, a gentler response, or a moment of listening before reacting. Trust and accountability don’t build themselves—they’re created, together.

Trust-Accountability Loop: Me + My Son

Lately, my son and I have been working through some situations where things didn’t go quite right—and in those moments, I’ve found myself wondering how to help him feel safe enough to tell the truth and take responsibility. So I tried this exercise to clarify where we’re strong and where we might need some repair.

Step 1: What actions build trust in our relationship?

  • I remind him often (in words and in hugs) that I love him no matter what.
  • I celebrate his curiosity and ideas, even when they lead to messy outcomes.
  • I share stories about my own mistakes, so he knows I’ve been there too.
  • I apologize when I overreact, and I name that out loud.

These actions are my way of saying: You’re safe here. You’re loved. We’re on the same team.

Step 2: What structures or expectations create clarity and accountability?

  • We’ve talked about “owning up” when something goes wrong—even if it feels scary.
  • We have certain family rules about honesty and kindness—and I try to revisit them with him, not just hand them down.
  • When something hard happens, I ask questions gently before jumping in with corrections.
  • I try (not always perfectly) to make sure the consequence fits the situation and isn’t just about my frustration.

These structures say: We have values. And when things go off course, we find our way back together.

Step 3: Where might the loop be broken?

Recently, I learned from him that sometimes he’s afraid to tell me the truth—not because he wants to be sneaky, but because he’s scared of how I’ll react. That’s a tough thing to hear, but I’m so grateful he felt safe enough to say it.

What’s next? I’m going to commit to saying, “Thank you for telling me,” before anything else—even if the news is hard. I want him to feel the trust before the correction. I want him to know: Being honest is brave. I see that. I value that. This loop isn’t about being perfect, it’s about noticing the patterns and doing just a little better – together. Trust and accountability are learned one moment at a time.

Something to See

Dogs are masters of trust—and accountability is built in the simplest ways. The more you show up to feed, play, pet, and talk, the more you become their trusted human. This is a snapshot of my girl, Marty. Marty is 10-years-old and truly my trusted shadow. She knows I will always take the time to make her life as good as I can…and in turn, she gives me 10-fold the love and companionship.